Superbowl 2014
(Logos courtesy of teams of the NFL)

by William Biersack

On Sunday, Feb. 2, 2014, the Seattle Seahawks and the Denver Broncos battled on the grounds of New Jersey’s Metlife Stadium to determine the champion of the NFL Super Bowl XLVIII.

Here is a very brief recap of the events of the game: The Broncos were embarrassing themselves. Now, this is not coming from a preference of one team over the other, only from simple observations. By half time, the Seahawks were ahead with a score of 22-0. Seattle’s team was playing aggressive and Denver simply could not keep up with them. It seems that many fans were disappointed by the lack competition in the game, wondering how the Broncos came to be in the Super Bowl when they performed this badly on game day. The final score of the game was 43-8, with the Seattle Seahawks the clear winner.

The night’s events are still affecting the general populace in a multitude of ways, both positive and negative. In order to help our readers survive the hangovers, any unsportmanlike conduct, and post-game depression, we at the Mount Messenger offer this advice:

If you’re a Seahawks fan:

Congratulations! You must feel really proud of yourself right now. In your opinion, the better team has proven their worth. However, don’t let this overwhelming sense of pride go to your head. Even though your friends may not say it to your face, especially the Broncos fans, any and all gloating can get old really quick.

As a general rule, give yourself one day to rub your team’s win in everyone’s faces. You’ve earned it. After that, let life go on as normal, at least until the Olympics or March Madness, when the sports craze will resume.

If you’re a Broncos fan:

Don’t worry a bit about the loss, there’s always going to be another game to make up for it. Despite the run of severely bad luck your team has suffered, it’s best for everybody if you just move on. Similarly to the Seahawks fans, you have a limit of one day to moan and gripe about your team’s misfortune. Anything more and the people who don’t really care for sports may just decide to tune you out.

If you want my opinion, all fans that are upset over the game should just do what jilted lovers do: drown your sorrows in a pint of Ben & Jerry’s.

If you are severely hungover:

If you had a great night, then good for you! If your night was full of drunken mistakes, then for your sake may you never fully remember what happened.

Now, just focus on recovering from the Super Bowl party you were at, especially if you are a die-hard fan. Why? Because you can’t enjoy the post-game coverage with a pounding headache.

Be sure to drink plenty of water, and only water. Don’t buy into the “hair of the dog” myth; it doesn’t work. When you are ready to eat, only have foods that are easy to digest, like toast or cereal. Also, have a few painkillers for your headache. Lastly, don’t be afraid to rock the shades all day if you need them.

If you have found yourself in a snack-food coma:

Are you stuck on the couch, unmoving, with the top button of your pants undone? Read carefully. You probably ate a lot of snacks and junk food during the Super Bowl; I can’t blame you, so did I.

The first step to turning this around is eating right. Drink plenty of water and plan for some healthy meals and snacks for yourself throughout the day. If you feel that you are up to the challenge, then perhaps next year you can put a new healthy spin on your favorite snack foods.

Second, get up and do something! Try to get at least an hour of physical activity into your day. Need some ideas? Go on a run, but be sure to wear plenty of layers! Maybe you can head to a local recreation center and play some touch football with friends. Any way that you can think of, get out there and be active!

If you don’t like sports and are surrounded by the wackos that support it:

Don’t worry. You are far from the only one. If you are completely clueless during one of your friend’s Super Bowl conversations, just smile and nod when appropriate. Maybe they won’t notice. Just sit tight and the madness should end soon enough. However, don’t forget that the Olympics are just around the corner.