Sakac Security Desk
The security desk located in Sakac Hall, where the new changes to security measures are being enforced. (photo by Mount Saint Mary College)

by Lucas Warren

In the latest survey conducted by The Journal of Discipline in Higher Education, researchers have found that the conduct on college campuses has reached an all-time low. This year alone, Mount Saint Mary College Residence Life Staff and Campus Security have written up a record-breaking 68% of the student body for varying infractions. Compared to statistics from the last academic year, which showed misconduct within 42% of student body, the new numbers have created a sense of panic among the administration at the Mount.

On Friday, March 22nd, representatives from the Office of Student Affairs, Residence Life, and Campus Security discussed the problem at length and have decided to take action against the growing issue. Changes to the student handbook have recently been made available to the faculty, staff, and students and will be taking effect in the Fall semester of 2013.

The new regulations for next semester are as follows:

  1. Students are still permitted to have and register a vehicle after freshman year. However, only resident seniors will be allowed to utilize the parking spots on campus. All other students will be required to park on the pothole-ridden Powell Avenue.
  2. All resident and commuter students will be required to wear uniforms. No casual dress will be allowed on campus. Further details will be released by Residence Life following Housing Lottery.
  3. There will be no more coed dorms. Residence Life has designated College Court 392 for male students and all others for female students.
  4. Security desks will be installed into every College Court. Students will have to submit their student ID with security at every entry. Furthermore, the curfew formerly associated with the freshman class will now be imposed on all students.
  5. The Dominican Sisters affiliated with the college will begin to live with the students in the dorms. Among other duties they will be taking on, the Sisters will be performing mandatory room checks each night promptly after curfew.
  6. Sunday Mass at 6:00 pm in the Founders Chapel will be mandatory to all resident and commuter students. No other campus activities will be permitted during that time.

Several students have reported their outrage at these new rules and regulations, but their cries have fallen on deaf ears. In response, some have already looked into transferring to different schools at the end of this semester. For all those who cannot afford the time or money to do so, the only option at this time is to simply grin and bear it with the hope that this will pass in time.

You’ve been fooled!
This post was published as part of our 2013 April Fool’s Day edition. We hope you enjoy this issue!